Jealous

I love the idea of a blog. A spot to put all our comings and goings and to write out my feelings as a wife and mother. Life just gets busy though and I don't update. I read all my friends blogs and they are incredible and I am so jealous. The only time I blogged last year was when I broke my ankle because well... I had nothing else I could do! I really want to for real blog this year and then print it out at the end of the year. Wouldn't that be awesome!

I feel like life is super busy right now...we moved, fixed up our old house, went to Utah for 9 days, unpacked at the new house, worked on a few projects. I have been updating our new address...what a pain! I never want to move ever again! On top of all that I have a bigger house to clean, 4 kids, and I manage 23 rental units. I feel like I am spread pretty thin. One of my goals this year is to find a property manager. The money is nice but its not worth my time or emotional energy because it's the kids who get the brunt of it.

On top of that I hurt my knee in early December 2013. I am super mad about it because my ankle was just healing and doing well. And when it happened I was being too aggressive. I should have just let the girl have the ball but instead I fought for it. I sprained my left knee and ankle. I bought a brace and played a couple weeks later. My knee would wobble when I would play so I took it really easy. Didn't do anything again for a couple weeks and got a knee brace. I played basketball on a Saturday and it was awesome. None on my joints hurt after I played and I thought I was home fee. I played indoor soccer on Monday and was running towards the ball. It got kicked away so I slowed down and my knee wobbled again. This time it was super painful and I knew I was done. I had just paid for the new season too. I hurt emotionally as much as physically because I knew I had to be done playing soccer and that I should get my knee checked out since it wasn't getting any better. I don't like thinking about that one second where if I would have just backed off I would not be in this predicament right now. I would be playing soccer like a champ and enjoying basketball season with my church friends. I am so mad at myself.

So there I sat and watched all the girls play. I was so jealous of their ability to run, pivot, and slam against the wall. I wanted so badly to be out there. I wanted to be playing. I used to be good. I used to be in pretty good shape too. I guess I am just in denial. I love sports. I love team sports. Its my outlet. If I think about it too long I get depressed. But I have to take care of myself and if that means taking a break so be it. Maybe I will just get pregnant. I think I said that when I broke my ankle....

I had an appointment with Dr. Foulk today for my knee. He seemed like a great doctor and that he knew what he was doing. He gave me some good news and some bad news. First my right knee is incredible. He said it looked amazing. Second the bad news was that he didn't know exactly what was going on with my knee. He ruled out MCL, PCL, collaterals, and even the ACL didn't feel loose. He was a little baffled. He thought it could still be an ACL or a meniscus tear or a floater in the knee. I have to get an MRI to find out what exactly is going on. If I have to have surgery I might throw up. I know exactly what I am getting myself into and I am not too excited about it. Maybe I didn't learn patience enough last year. The doctor did say, "you sound like a stubborn one..." I guess you could say I have some brush creek blood in me.